When I was born, I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
I was so ugly my mother used to
feed me with a slingshot.
I looked up my family tree and
found 3 dogs using it.
When I played in the sandbox, the
cat kept covering me up.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the
library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
I remember the time I was kidnapped
and they sent a
piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found
My wife can't cook at all.
She made chocolate mousse.
An antler got stuck in my throat.
My wife met me at the door the
other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately she was
just coming home.
My wife was afraid of the dark...
then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
I'm taking Viagra and drinking
prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
I told my wife the truth. I told
her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth:
that she was seeing a psychistrist, two plumbers and a